I Am Sorry

I couldn't keep my promise, do you forgive me?

Dear Reader,

Last week I shared a letter from the ‘heart’ to the ‘brain’. I promised you all that today I would be sharing a reply from the brain.

However, I have not been able to keep my promise, I’m afraid.

I do have a good reason though. And another promise, that next week you shall receive that most awaited reply from the brain.

But first, let me explain why I am not showing up today in the way I wanted to.

Today, on 9th January, is my daughter Rania’s birthday.

A fairytale written just for Rania, all wrapped up.

No one tells you that after a life-changing illness such as cancer, all special occasions become tricky. You’re grateful and afraid all at the same time.

Grateful that you are still here.

Afraid that you might not have been here.

The prospect of the unspeakable becomes like a heavy weight that rests upon the very center of your being.

It makes you want to cherish every moment, every occasion as much as you can.

And so, this past week I spent most of my time working on a special present for my most special girl, Rania.

I wrote a fairytale, just for her.

What started as a super short story, turned out to be a 4000 word story complete with chapters and characters I didn’t even know lived in my head.

I spent all my waking hours crafting the perfect story for her, one that I know she would love.

I poured my heart and imagination into it.

I carefully planned it, wrote it, edited it, formatted it to look like a book and then had it printed.

And then last night, I secretly wrapped it up for her.

Working on this special project was why I wasn’t able to craft a reply from the brain to the heart.

But I think the heart will understand right? :)

Writing a custom story for Rania has been something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. But in the past I wasn’t brave enough, and I always told myself there’s still time.

However, cancer taught me that the only time is now, today.

And what better way to express my love for her through my words?

I wanted to gift her something that she would treasure long into the years.

Perhaps when she is older, well into her adult era, she will read the story her mother crafted just for her.

And be reminded of how loved she’s always been.

Rest assured we will meet next week, with the brain, so stay tuned.

Sincerely,

Wajeeha